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Post by ariella on Jul 13, 2021 11:06:19 GMT
Thank you. You can tell your friend that in my personal experience and also having talked to many people with a child who has autism, the meltdowns do improve. We found that when he was that age he had a certain order of things to be done. Only problem was that we never had any idea of that order in his head. So, for example, in the car on the way to take the children to swimming lessons, if hubby stopped the car to buy some milk or a newspaper, that made things wrong in my sons’s head and he would get upset and often refuse to get out the car when we got to the pool. When he got to about 8, meltdowns lessened considerably but the refusal to speak or do anything came in. The worst was when we were picnicking and he got stung by a bee. He was in pain and crying and although we ensured there was no sting left in his skin, he refused any physical contact so he would stand, arms by his side crying and all we could do was say reassuring words. To anyone else there, we would have looked like terrible parents and why weren’t we cuddling him when he was crying. For me as a mother, it was and still remains the hardest part of having a child with autism as it goes against natural maternal instincts. His 3 older siblings loved cuddles and sitting on my lap for singing and reading books and just being snuggled so this has been my most physical and emotional challenge. The only thing we were allowed to do was what we named ‘bear kisses’, simply rubbing noses, but now as a teen, that has stopped. Even as a baby/toddler he loathed singing and even humming. It is draining and at times hugely challenging but it’s also very rewarding and I’ve become a better person in many ways from having a child with additional needs. I’ve learned to parent in a different way and learned how to adapt many things to keep him comfortable whilst ensuring the others have had normal birthdays/Christmas and other special events.
There is light at the end of the tunnel for your friend, but it’s an evolving light, and I’m sure they also will learn to adapt. Each child on the spectrum is so individual and they have so much to offer in place of the things we can miss. We take a laughing, smiling Fins as our cuddles. I’m sure you’re so supportive to your friend. 🧡
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Post by ffiscool on Jul 13, 2021 21:33:30 GMT
It must indeed be hard, it’s also reassuring for you and your hubby to know he’ll be looked after
I know some who are borderline on the spectrum, I cannot imagine the challenges you have
I loved his comment to your daughter.
You clearly have a very tight family unit, which is lovely 😊
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Post by suesbird on Jul 14, 2021 15:23:17 GMT
Thank you, so interesting and makes me more knowledgeable.
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Post by jellybean on Jul 14, 2021 17:31:08 GMT
You sound like a lovely family.
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Post by ariella on Jul 14, 2021 20:44:57 GMT
ffiscool I think there are many people who are borderline. In fact, I think most of us have at least one ‘symptom’ of autism. My son has the typical awkward gait, lack of eye contact, he can be indecipherable when he talks to those not familiar with him, is unable to initiate conversation and there are other ‘give-away’ signs that he is on the spectrum but some people have very subtle symptoms like failing to take social cues or feeling unsettled unless something is done a certain way, perhaps lacking in empathy or being offset by unexpected events and having a strong interest in a particular thing. Some are really confident and enjoy talking; others struggle with conversation or groups of people. I think all those who have autism and have struggles they are facing each day in order to function in society are just amazing. Hubby and I hope we can provide our son with a good life and we won’t pass on for many years but our daughter has stated categorically that she’ll always have a home for her little brother even if it means buying out her brothers’ share of the family home so Fins can remain in his familiar surroundings, she’ll sell her home and move her own family in. It’s reassuring and has to be spoken of but it makes me feel so sick considering it. Leaving behind a dependent is the worst feeling, yet so many go through it, and we’re not frightened to talk of death here - hubby is a funeral director after all! suesbird, thank you. Sadly we had family members who refused to understand how autism works and said things like, “If he’s hungry he’ll eat it.” As a baby we had to wake him for his feeds. I thought I’d lucked out when I got a solid five hours of sleep on his first night and every night thereafter. He was the easiest baby but I had no idea at the time that this was a sign of autism. I just thought he was really chilled. Even now as a teen he won’t ask for food or drink or fix it for himself. He will do some cooking if initiated by someone else and helped, but he would literally starve and dehydrate if we didn’t provide all his meals and we’ve found ways to ensure he gets all of the necessary minerals, vitamins and nutrition when he has a very restricted diet. Luckily, he has always eaten vegetables but he likes very little fruit. A banana, some fresh pineapple and melon is more or less it. So he has dried fruits and fruit bars. To hear someone say that hearing about autism makes them more knowledgeable means a lot to me. jellybean. We used to joke when the kids were growing up that we were ‘a nice normal family’ as far as anyone else was concerned but really we were totally bonkers! After all, we were the ‘homeschooling family’ but now we chuckle at just how normal we really are when we see the stuff some people having going on in their families!! We’re far from perfect and of course there have been ups and downs but we’ve faced a LOT of challenges with health, family and immense levels of stress. Overall, the kids have grown up to have good careers, the three adults all have long-term relationships and we can see as they enter mid 20’s the maturity starts to kick in for the lads and our daughter is a sassy, determined, motivated and confident young lady who adores the word ‘Ohara’ and its meaning. Family first for her.
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Post by willowsmum on Jul 15, 2021 23:28:29 GMT
Your son sounds like a very special and loveable boy ariella. I'm sure you are very proud of how he copes with the many challenges life throws at him and you should also be proud of yourself for creating such a strong, stable and caring environment for him to grow up in.
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Post by ariella on Jul 16, 2021 14:09:28 GMT
Thanks willowsmum. We’re very proud of him and his siblings too. His eldest brother is doing a skydive for charity tomorrow but we’ve had to make the call not to go and watch this time. Our nearest hospital has had hospitalisation cases rise by 150% and even being outside and trying to socially distance, which isn’t always that easy when people want to come and say hello, we just can’t take the risk. Luckily our eldest son totally understands and he’ll pop by afterwards with his girlfriend and fill us in. I told him to be careful with the landing…it’s so easy to break a foot!
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Post by suesbird on Jul 19, 2021 12:48:48 GMT
My grand daughter has a little non speaking boy in her class, and hers is the only name he will say and a big smile comes across his face when he sees her. She is very gentle and kind to him, she is so intuitive with him.
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Post by ariella on Jul 19, 2021 20:51:23 GMT
My grand daughter has a little non speaking boy in her class, and hers is the only name he will say and a big smile comes across his face when he sees her. She is very gentle and kind to him, she is so intuitive with him. What a little darling she is and incredibly privileged that he trusts and likes her enough to say her name. Being selectively mute is something I’m sure many children will mock but your granddaughter sounds so sweet and thoughtful. Hopefully he feels he has a friend in his class. My son used to go selectively mute when his brain got too overwhelmed by things. It’s a very difficult thing to cope with, when you know something is wrong but it’s too much for him to have communicated. He doesn’t do that too much now but he speaks only minimally if he can and he remains very much unable to communicate his feelings. You must be so very proud of your granddaughter.
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Post by suesbird on Jul 20, 2021 8:16:31 GMT
I am, she is only 5 years old and is such a tender, loving little girl. His little face lights up when he sees her. Your children are a credit to you. xx
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Post by ariella on Jul 20, 2021 13:57:15 GMT
I am, she is only 5 years old and is such a tender, loving little girl. His little face lights up when he sees her. Your children are a credit to you. xx Thank you and I’m sure yours are to you. It must be lovely to see your granddaughter be so kind and gentle. I think that level of tenderness and thought is a personality trait, like it’s just intrinsic within her. We need more kindness in this world and she’s a shining example.
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Post by suesbird on Jul 20, 2021 20:03:49 GMT
Thank you, she can also be a right little madam.
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Post by criswell on Jul 20, 2021 22:47:38 GMT
Thank you ariella , I've learn more about autism from reading your thread too. I think you and your family are all amazing.
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Post by ariella on Jul 28, 2021 18:36:56 GMT
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Post by mona on Aug 6, 2021 6:11:14 GMT
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