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Lola
Oct 19, 2021 20:05:35 GMT
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Post by clt80 on Oct 19, 2021 20:05:35 GMT
It has taken me a while to post this, I have really been beating myself up about Lola's death as I feel it is my fault, and I can't forgive myself.
Lola was the young yellow budgie who came here early this year. She was so young and full of life.
When I came back from my trip the other week on a Saturday, she was inside the aviary cuddled up to George who usually stays inside, he has cancer but is doing OK. I thought that is so sweet of her, she's looking after him. What I didn't realize until the next day was that it was because she was not well herself. She came inside and I brought George in too. They reminded cuddled up, and I monitored her. On Tuesday I felt she needed to see the avian vet, I was thinking something with her crop, she kept trying to regurgitate. The avian vet could not see her for over a week. I looked online for another even going afar. I rang several but they all confirmed they were not avian vets. Later that night she passed.
I felt her and she was so thin, I could feel all her hips. I think she may have had something stuck, crop impaction. I've been reading and reading about it. I'm torturing myself because I think she starved to death. She use to chew paper and rip it, I'm wondering if some had got stuck and caused a blockage.
How on earth do you begin to even think about forgiving yourself for thinking she was being cute when she was actually starving. I can't reconcile it in my mind. Brings me to tears each time I try to think it all through. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for this.
This has firmed in my mind I will not be homing anymore. If she'd stayed where she was she may still be alive, instead of being in my care which resulted in her death.
I can't talked to my friends or family about this, they don't really get the budgie thing. I don't think you do until you have them yourself.
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Lola
Oct 19, 2021 20:07:15 GMT
mona likes this
Post by clt80 on Oct 19, 2021 20:07:15 GMT
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Oct 6, 2011 7:41:27 GMT
Marianne Marlow
Administrator
George, Daisy, Iris, Billy, Peter, Chipper, Dinku, Barney, Ayla and Rocky
Posts: 28,776
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Post by Marianne Marlow on Oct 19, 2021 20:17:05 GMT
I'm so sorry that you lost Lola. Please don't beat yourself up over her passing, you couldn't have known she was ill and even if you had got her to the vet sooner, there is no certainty that she could have been saved.
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Post by ffiscool on Oct 19, 2021 20:20:33 GMT
I really feel for you. It’s so hard. But Its not something you would have detected/missed. I bet nearly all of us have the if I’d done this or that. You had no reason to think Lola was ill. Budgies hide these things, very well. Why would you have thought to feel her, you wouldn’t.
There most probably was an underlying issue that wouldn’t have presented until too late. How many times we’ve sadly heard/seen this.
I know it won’t stop you beating yourself up, but you couldn’t know. The fact she was cuddling up was not an obvious sign and she may well have done it too, just because …
I understand the feelings as I blamed myself for a budgie I had way back, dying. He was at a vet who said it was just one of those things, but I felt I played a part, missing something. I’ll never know, but he probably was already ill
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but sadly I think especially with these little birds, that illnesses that are not obvious, take them.
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Post by ariella on Oct 19, 2021 21:05:31 GMT
I’m sorry to read this clt80. Lola was so pretty. I know also that birds are excellent at hiding things. Unless you were handling her regularly, there was no way you would feel her bones and I can see exactly how seemingly cute behaviour is masking a potential issue. It’s possible she had an impaction, but it’s also possible she had a tumour that wasn’t visible, which would have led to the same outcome if blocking her digestive system. You did all you could to see an Avian vet and so you have nothing to beat yourself up about. You gave her a lovely home and she was rehomed for a reason. Her staying where she was may have led to a less happy life. I greatly empathise as I rehome tortoises and they also hide things well and can go downhill very quickly. I weigh them monthly without fail but when you aren’t certain of their past care, it’s impossible to know if they were ill when you took them in, just like birds. Luckily I’ve managed to nurse all but one back to health. That one nearly broke me. I’d been syringe feeding her for weeks and she was starting to gain weight but then had another set-back and I knew there was nothing left to be done. It took over a year for me to be able to look at her pot where I’d buried her and not feel horrendous grief and a feeling I’d failed her. I knew she’d been overbred before I gave her a forever home. I’m certain that depleted her considerably. But I wanted her forever home to last for many more years and it cut me that it hadn’t. You’re right that only those who love animals like family truly understand. Rehoming is rewarding but any animal that comes into a family whether bought from a breeder/shop or rehomed is capable of having a serious health condition and sometimes there’s not enough that can be done, no matter how much we want there to be. I went on and adopted two further torts and they helped me to accept and get over my loss. I knew that I would give them the correct diet and husbandry and how would I know if someone who just wants to breed them would have them if I didn’t. It hurts so badly to have a poorly animal and is heartbreaking to lose any but if you know you provided a good and loving home, which you did for Lola, you have nothing to blame yourself for. x
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Post by tweetiepiesmom on Oct 20, 2021 0:40:50 GMT
Little Lola was a pretty budgie and seems very sweet. Its so difficult to get an appointment with an avian vet here - they are booked 2 weeks out. I worry what I'd do in an emergency. I can only repeat what others have said and wish you peace in time.
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Post by mona on Oct 20, 2021 5:34:11 GMT
Lola was a lovely baby.. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. As everyone said, we all do that when we loose a feathered friend.. I felt for a long time that Breezie went away since I held him for medicine, while he was so sensitive and I'm still afraid to hold any budgie.. but I've to sometimes..
With humans or animals, there are always what ifs in our mind.. but sometimes, it's just time for them to go.. Don't be hard on yourself 🧡 She had a great life with you..
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Lola
Oct 20, 2021 10:45:24 GMT
mona likes this
Post by sweetpea on Oct 20, 2021 10:45:24 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear that Lola has passed. How tough for you. Sometimes a particular death really hits hard, for all sorts of reasons. It sounds like you did all you could. Like others have said, they hide illness so well, sometimes to the point when it's too late to help. Fly high beautiful Lola.
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Post by blueelephant on Oct 20, 2021 19:48:17 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself though. From what you describe I don't think anyone would say you didn't do everything you could have done. It's so upsetting when a younger bird dies, that I think it is normal to question everything, but sometimes I think life is just unfair and sad things like this happen.
Fly high little Lola. X
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Post by skysmum on Oct 20, 2021 21:01:10 GMT
Im so sorry about Lola clt80 , fly high little girl. I don't think there are any of us here that haven't had these thoughts and feelings clt80 , we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Ive certainly had my fare share of "i missed that, i should have thought of that, etc etc" , ive driven myself mad and not just with the birds either. Ive often longed for x-ray vision too. Like you ive said no more, that's birds, dogs and anything else that i have to love and loose, i can't do it anymore so i know where you are coming from. Be kind to yourself, they all know they are loved with you clt80 , sending a hug.
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Post by Hezz on Oct 21, 2021 1:43:39 GMT
I am so sorry, Cheryl, but of one thing we can be sure of and that is … this is not your fault. . For some reason I find losing one of my feathered friends the hardest of all the pets I’ve had. Please be kind to yourself; you need to look after yourself.
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Post by criswell on Oct 21, 2021 9:02:31 GMT
I am so sorry clt80. Please don't blame yourself. I do understand how you feel as I've felt it was my fault too. You take such good care of your birds. Hugs xxx
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Lola
Oct 23, 2021 7:37:30 GMT
via mobile
Post by clt80 on Oct 23, 2021 7:37:30 GMT
Thank you all, I appreciate your kind words. Still struggling with the guilt about Lola. Just so much death around me at the moment it's awful.
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Post by Shirls on Oct 23, 2021 9:21:19 GMT
So sorry to hear of your loss clt80. We know how much you look after and care for your budgies, so don't beat yourself up. We all care so much for these little souls, it is always so hard to lose one and we always blame ourselves don't we. Take care of yourself now. Fly high little Lola, over rainbow bridge, you were much loved.
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