Post by Nani on Mar 5, 2013 8:57:54 GMT
Hi everyone,
I made this video in memory of Hunter, my first love. I had it completed actually some weeks ago as I worked hard on it, but faced some problems with making it, resizing it, posting it etc. A friend on another forum helped me and it made making this video so much easier and less stressful at an already delicate time.
I'd like to thank everyone on this budgie forum board, when I posted about Hunter's initial diagnosis the outpouring of love and support really lifted my spirits and heart. Special thankyou to Starzie!!
All the messages, and encouraging posts from everyone have meant so much to me. I'm thinking of you all too and thanking you from the bottom of my heart.
I think besides all of us having the love of budgies and birds in common; is that we are all animal lovers. What a group of loving people, and a fantastic support network.
I signed up a little over a year ago and have been offered advice, good thoughts, support, love and shared grief and it is being held close to my heart. Thank you all so much.
March 4 was one month since we said goodbye to Hunter and I struggled with it all. I remember those last moments so clearly. I remember everything from 'gotcha day' to training disaster to hiking adventures to diagnosis, to overwhelming feelings of guilt and helplessness, to our last night with him, to our last few seconds with him.
I remember that one last night, I didn't want to wake him to put him on the bed..so I laid down in his bed with him. He slightly stirred, but only to turn his head and lick my tears away. I couldn't believe I was saying goodbye. I couldn't believe that his body was racked with MCT (cancer) and yet I was the one immersed in pain. Even still, in all my selfish human self-I sought to touch those soft velvety ears, not only to comfort him, but to help ease my own pain and suffering. I didn't sleep that night.
We spent one last glorious day together, my boy was stoic to the end and it hurt me to see him put on a brave face for me. He ran, he barked, he wagged his tail. He was happy and even ate treats for me. Something that made my heart jump for joy and swell with pride all at the same time.
Our last moments in the vet clinic were spent caressing his fur, whispering sweet devoted love messages, and assuring him we were going to be OK that he didn't need to worry about me.
When I met my husband I told him my dog was #1 in my heart. When Jim met Hunter, I told both of them Hunter was #1. When we were saying our goodbye, Jim told Hunter he was #1 and always would be. I know Hunter never had a doubt.
Grief is such a powerful thing, it engulfed me like a wildfire and is still burning, in fact I couldn't bring myself to even post anything on FB or a journal because I think for me..it felt like if I didn't post it, it didn't really happen and I couldn't accept it.
I couldn't post the video for much the same reasons-I felt like I needed time to keep him for myself...could I accept reality?
Sometimes I wonder..I still sometimes hear his pitterpatter climbing the stairs, or his muffled bark to let me know he needs to go to the bathroom. When I drop some food on the floor, I look around and have caught myself almost calling out his name.
It is very sad, to realize your best friend, your companion that was there for the transitioning of child to adulthood is not coming home.
I know there's that quote about never learning to be good at saying goodbyes, well I don't ever want to be. Death is so final. Life is about enjoying every little thing, I think dogs know that death is final and no turning back, therefore they live life with love and vigor because there is no time for missed i love yous, or no reason to not enjoy the rolling hills overlooking a beautiful sunset. Death takes that away. Dogs even make the most of their last day on earth-that is living.
Here is the video. To my Hunter-my very much loved and very missed boy.
I made this video in memory of Hunter, my first love. I had it completed actually some weeks ago as I worked hard on it, but faced some problems with making it, resizing it, posting it etc. A friend on another forum helped me and it made making this video so much easier and less stressful at an already delicate time.
I'd like to thank everyone on this budgie forum board, when I posted about Hunter's initial diagnosis the outpouring of love and support really lifted my spirits and heart. Special thankyou to Starzie!!
All the messages, and encouraging posts from everyone have meant so much to me. I'm thinking of you all too and thanking you from the bottom of my heart.
I think besides all of us having the love of budgies and birds in common; is that we are all animal lovers. What a group of loving people, and a fantastic support network.
I signed up a little over a year ago and have been offered advice, good thoughts, support, love and shared grief and it is being held close to my heart. Thank you all so much.
March 4 was one month since we said goodbye to Hunter and I struggled with it all. I remember those last moments so clearly. I remember everything from 'gotcha day' to training disaster to hiking adventures to diagnosis, to overwhelming feelings of guilt and helplessness, to our last night with him, to our last few seconds with him.
I remember that one last night, I didn't want to wake him to put him on the bed..so I laid down in his bed with him. He slightly stirred, but only to turn his head and lick my tears away. I couldn't believe I was saying goodbye. I couldn't believe that his body was racked with MCT (cancer) and yet I was the one immersed in pain. Even still, in all my selfish human self-I sought to touch those soft velvety ears, not only to comfort him, but to help ease my own pain and suffering. I didn't sleep that night.
We spent one last glorious day together, my boy was stoic to the end and it hurt me to see him put on a brave face for me. He ran, he barked, he wagged his tail. He was happy and even ate treats for me. Something that made my heart jump for joy and swell with pride all at the same time.
Our last moments in the vet clinic were spent caressing his fur, whispering sweet devoted love messages, and assuring him we were going to be OK that he didn't need to worry about me.
When I met my husband I told him my dog was #1 in my heart. When Jim met Hunter, I told both of them Hunter was #1. When we were saying our goodbye, Jim told Hunter he was #1 and always would be. I know Hunter never had a doubt.
Grief is such a powerful thing, it engulfed me like a wildfire and is still burning, in fact I couldn't bring myself to even post anything on FB or a journal because I think for me..it felt like if I didn't post it, it didn't really happen and I couldn't accept it.
I couldn't post the video for much the same reasons-I felt like I needed time to keep him for myself...could I accept reality?
Sometimes I wonder..I still sometimes hear his pitterpatter climbing the stairs, or his muffled bark to let me know he needs to go to the bathroom. When I drop some food on the floor, I look around and have caught myself almost calling out his name.
It is very sad, to realize your best friend, your companion that was there for the transitioning of child to adulthood is not coming home.
I know there's that quote about never learning to be good at saying goodbyes, well I don't ever want to be. Death is so final. Life is about enjoying every little thing, I think dogs know that death is final and no turning back, therefore they live life with love and vigor because there is no time for missed i love yous, or no reason to not enjoy the rolling hills overlooking a beautiful sunset. Death takes that away. Dogs even make the most of their last day on earth-that is living.
Here is the video. To my Hunter-my very much loved and very missed boy.
